Afraid to hope...

Dear Diam,

I am exhausted. Am I being too suspicious over things? Or am I trying to eliminate all of those suspicious things? I am completely LOST and left ALONE without GPS.

I wanted you to tell me your story, but you told her.
You did nothing wrong, but that hurt me.
I wanted you to ask my help, but you asked her help.
You did nothing wrong, but that hurt me.
I triggered you to be curious abt me, but you persistently said NO.
You did nothing wrong, but that made me sad.
When I was alone, I hoped you would came over, but she approached you and both of you laughed together.
You did nothing wrong, but that made me sad.

My heart shouted but my lips were sealed perfectly.
You somehow had already taken all my courage...
You somehow made me feeling too afraid to hope and try...

I want to be mad at you, but then you will think of me as a mad girl.
That's why I retreat...
Look into my eyes, please.. Maybe you will understand...
I don't like silent good bye, but I am really LOST and don't know what else I can do.

Even if I really left, will you notice it? Will you ask me why?
For that too, my mind warns me so loud..
For only that too, I am afraid to hope..